by icthematrix » Sat Nov 12, 2011 7:58 am
What I hope to get out of joining Manhood Academy is the ability to appropriately and effectively interact with other people. I understand the theoretical side of human social psychology reasonably well (thanks to the ebook, personal observation, and the investigation of lots of related material over the last couple years.) When it comes to applying these ideas in my day-to-day life, though, I am still woefully incompetent. I am a lifelong heavy introvert and socially awkward beta. I had a very minimal, at best, social life while growing up.
A little about my situation and history... I am currently in the fourth year of a long term relationship. I am 29 years old and this is my first and only relationship ever. She initiated the relationship. I have never done a cold approach or asked a woman on a date. In many ways, things are actually going fairly well between us, however. She seems unusually accepting of my ingrained beta behaviors. I don't get the feeling she would leave me or cheat. At the same time, though, the "social dynamic" that has been established is predictably not great.
I spend much of my time trying to please her, being apologetic, and attempting to conform to whatever I imagine her expectations to be. Like a lot of guys, I just have a natural desire to make women happy. Beyond that, though, I had no personal experience of how a relationship should work when we got together. I was heavily influenced by pop culture (romantic movies, music, etc.) Looking back, I genuinely thought being a hyper-sensitive, doting wuss and doing everything a woman asks was the key to happiness and relationship success.
Now that I've had some actual first-hand experience with women, however limited, my perspective has shifted dramatically. I now realize that being an emasculated pussy doesn't benefit me or anyone else. After nearly 30 years of supplicating, ashamed beta-dom, though, old habits are hard to break. I hope that joining Manhood Academy will help give me the tools to finally grow up and start acting like a man.
